hope you didn’t miss me too much

now that school’s back, so is my website. im planning a layout change along with new daily entries. keep checking back xo

Add comment September 2nd, 2008

Family portrait

A father-daughter relationship should be a very special relationship. Daddy’s little girl should be treated with care, love, and should be protected. If someone were to harm daddy’s babygirl, bullets should be shot or blood should be drawn. It’s really a tragedy when a daughter never gets to experience the bond they should have with their father. Father’s, even father figures, are very important to young women and especially in the raising process I believe. The only boy a girl should trust no matter what, is her father. Now, imagine if a little girl has no father to look up to? Some of you may be able to relate but I couldn’t imagine that for the life of me. It’s a very sad concept.

Recently, I feel like a piece of shit. I’ve never felt like this as a person before, nor have I ever had such hated for an individual. Why is it so easy for you to disrespect me as a person and bring tears to my eyes, but showing your love, or apologizing is the end of the world? Time after time, I try my hardest to make you proud. You can’t buy my love this time. Only sincerity will heal whatever this is. I’m done trying, I give up. Like you have, it seems, long ago. The constant rejections and hurtful words have scarred me. Whatever, i’ll be stronger for this. It just sucks it had to be you to do this.

love,
daddys little girl

1 comment July 19th, 2008

Drop dead

Just informing you guys that I’m still alive. I’ve been finishing up with exams and such and now I’m finally finished school. One more year left! Anyway, I’ll be making a new entry very soon. Join my friend’s new forum Exquisite Mb and say I (Elektra) referred you!

2 comments June 28th, 2008

You: Your most important priority

The best piece of advice anyone has ever given me: “never lower your standards for anyone.” Of all the words of ‘wisdom’, or light anyone has ever tried to shed on me, this paticular phrase stuck and became apart of who I am. Why? Because I believe that WHAT YOU THINK, WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU DREAM, should be your most important priority. Fuck what everyone else wants of you because in the end you have to do whats best for yourself. Nobody can make you as happy as you can make yourself, and nobody should take your happiness from you. Don’t let them. You’re stronger than that. For the majority of my life, I believed I had to somehow please the people around me and live up to high expectations. I grew up needing to have good grades, not because I wanted them, but because people expected it of me. I grew up always having to look prim and proper not for myself, but for everyone around me. I’m sure you can see a pattern. Fact is, I was never as happy being a straight A, princess child. Not because I didn’t want to be, but because of the pressure people put onto me. You look at me today, and I’m a slacker in school. I know education is important, and is IS important to me. Call this my rebellion, but my parents were pissed at the fact that their little perfect girl was off skipping with her boyfriend, or off with friends being harped to smoke up. I don’t do those today however, and you can judge me. I was a 14 year old dumbass, and hey, even I can say I was an idiot but you know what? No regrets. I’m not the dumb girl I once was.

Then came the hair. Oh, the hair. My blonde locks? Replaced with dark black hair. You can argue and say this whole change came from the constant pressure of having to be and look a way growing up, but truth be told I was never one to be captain of some cheerleading squad or never try anything exciting. Sorry Mom and Dad.

You can go your whole life wondering what if? But it’s YOU who has to make the changes in your life to make you happy, not the people around you. Sure, they can be disappointed for a second but in the end you’re doing what makes you happy, and a whole lot of self-respect and self-confidence comes with it. I promise. If you don’t think that’s worth it, well then, you probably never really wanted it in the first place. If there is something you want, know that you can get it. Know that you have every ability in the world to get anything you desire and NEVER let anyone stand in your way. However, only fight for something if you really want it, and not because others want it from you. Your standards and your goals is what sets you apart from everyone else. I know If i had carried on with the way my life was headed, I would not be as content as I am today and probably would’ve never gotten to know even just a portion of who I am. What a loss that would have been.

So know that in the end, YOU ARE YOUR MOST IMPORTANT PRIORITY. Do what feels right FOR YOU, do what makes YOU happy, and never lower YOUR standards for anyone.

14 comments June 13th, 2008

Blinded and broken

Tear down my walls, strip me from my clothes, I’m nothing without my tough exterior or slow to react insides. I’m skin and bones. I’m human. Why does that bother me? I’ve experienced feelings without having any say, and I’ve acted out on them like a fool too. So why now? Why is it that I always expect to have full control over every aspect that surrounds my life? I’ve used words such as blinded, broken, damaged,  and tainted to desribe myself in these situations. Fact is, there are things in my life that I can’t, or find hard to control, and that bothers me. In time, this is something I need to overcome and that im working extremely hard on. For so long I’ve seen it as my actions define who I am and what I’m about, but truth is, I’m only seventeen and I’m not even about anything yet. I’ve experienced a lot of heartaches, tearjerkers, and just hard times in general but in no way do I have the life experience to know what I’m about. I think at seventeen, I’m just getting to know.

I used to be a very weak person. Those who knew me in those times know that that’s how I’ve come to be such a strong individual. Those who weren’t with me during those times however, would never make the connection between me then, and me now. Looking back, I can’t even recognize myself to be honest. I am a strong believer that you MUST endur hardships in order to reach utter satisfaction or content. Was my last relationship hard? yes. Has it made me who I am today? yes. Do I regret it? no. Am I stronger for it? fuck yeah. You’ll find I’ll make a lot of references to my past relationship. When doing that, it’s not that I’m reciting the relationship, but it was just a big period of time for self realization. The relationship didn’t make me who I am today. I did that all on my own. Along with good parenting lol. The combinations made me self-assured, self-confident, and being able to have total self-respect for all that I am.

2 comments June 6th, 2008

Hello lover

So rather than starting off my first post with an introductory to my blog, I thought I’d kick it off to something more personal - my love for satc. After watching the movie, I find it really depressing how that’s all that’s left to the Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, Charlotte, trilogy. Since the ripe age of around 13 (yes, that young) this show served as my on-screen bible. Sad.. I know. Eat your heart out though, it’s not often you’ll find me lusting over something as girly as this. This movie was also something to remember because it was the first movie I HAVE EVER SEEN WITH, WITH MOM. I liked it, but for those of you who aren’t fans of the series or for haven’t kept up with it I wouldn’t reccomend it. However any satc groupie, fashionista, or cocktail whore should get on it.

This is a quick post however, the next entry should be a juicy one considering there’s much on my plate.

Add comment June 4th, 2008